This isn't a usual post for me, but I figured, "What the hell!" I've been a member of Arizona's ORIGINAL roller derby league for 2 years now. Though I'm currently out on injury due to a possibly torn miniscus, I'll hopefully be skating and kicking ass again for the playoffs, pending a release from my doctor. So why don't I give you just a little background on this revival of a great sport. About two years ago, a couple of friends of mine had mentioned that roller derby was back and that we should check out a bout (game). I'm pretty easy going and up for any sort of adventure, so I thought it was a good idea...but we never followed through and I forgot about it. Then a couple months after that, the girls said we should join, so I said ok, and the next day I e-mailed the co-founder, gathered up all the girls I could and we formed the Bad News Beaters. And let's just say the rest is history. I love it and am dying to skate again. It's so hard to sit on the sidelines, especially when your own team is playing, and watch the other girls zoom around the track. So that's how I got started with roller derby.
June Update
Wooo hoooo! Its summer, yall! Time to enjoy lifes simpler pleasures. For example, I havent worn pants in weeks! Seriously. This update is being written half-naked! Ha HA: I L-U-V the summer!! No freakin pants. No freakin rules. Just me, my lap top, my cool drink with a novelty umbrella, and an uptight waitress that doesnt know the difference between freedom and perversion. Hey, Flo, instead of screaming about callin the cops, how about callin a doctor for an emergency pull-that-stick-out-of-your-ass-yoctomy. Shoooot, its summer, bee-yotch.
Oh well, on to the ladies. AZRD sent its travel team, the Tent City Terrors, to Denver to take on the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls Fight Club. Fight Club was tough, but our jailed birds were tougher, notching a win of 89 to 43. Once the blood and dust settled, Denver had proven they were worthy of their reputation as one of the best up-and-coming leagues in the nation. The general population of Denver, however, fell a bit short, constantly whining and sniveling: Hey thats my wallet! and, Please stop beating my boyfriend! and that was just from some dude who called himself the Snake.
On Saturday, June 10, the undefeated Bruisers will be taking on the Bad News Beaters in the last regular season bout of the year. The Bruisers have already clinched a spot in this years championship bout, but are ready to refine their bad-side manners against the Beaters. Those fabulous baseball furies, for their part, are prepared to knock the naughty nurses out of the park as they look ahead to next months play-off bout against the Surly Gurlies. The doors of the Castle Sports Complex will be opened at 7 and the action will start at 8. The bout will feature live music from TCT favorites, the Maricopa County Prison Band, and as always, reduce priced drinks at our after party at Big Daddys Sports Bar.
On June 23rd, AZRD will be out at Atomic Comics in Mesa to support their Fright Night with Calbrese and Zombeast. The event will feature classic horror flicks, a homemade zombie movie contest, a costume contest, and other horror related activities. Check the events section at www.atomiccomics.com for all the details.
Check back at the beginning of next month to find out how the ladies will be spending the rest of the summer, and for all the details about the 3rd season championship and playoffs. As for me, Ill see if I can manage motivating myself to put some pants on. No promises.
Revised rules:
After the initial delirium of watching scantily-clad-hotties skating to the death subsides, many spectators find themselves uttering the same phrase: So, uhhh, how do these chicks score? After smacking the friend that started giggling in the back of the head, these spectators often look inquisitively at their shrugging compatriots, then all take a deep gulp of their beers and happily return to the game with no knowledge of the rules. Well read on, oh bewildered masses, and we will turn your blissful ignorance into euphoric comprehension!
The game (bout) is divided into three, twenty minute periods. Each period is made-up of several two minute jams. The object of the jam is for a teams jammer to score more points than her opponent in two minutes. The winning team is the one that has scored the most points at the end of the third period.
There are ten players in play during an average jam (five from each team). When the girls line up for a jam, you will notice that there are eight girls standing well ahead of the back two. The eight in the front are called the pack, the two in the back are the jammers and are indicated by a star on their helmets. The jammer is the only member of the team that can score points; the packs job is to prevent the opposing jammers from doing so. The beginning of the jam is indicated by one whistle blast. This starts the pack skating and indicates that the two minute clock has started. This is followed by two whistle blasts that indicate the two jammers may start skating. The jammers have to pass (lap) the pack once before they can score. After lapping the pack once, the jammer scores one point per opponent she passes before the two minute jam has ended (indicated by four whistle blasts). The jammer may only score on an opponent once per pass.
There are some special circumstances that can change this basic structure and make me sound like a total liar. To defend my honor, I will talk about a few of those now.
A) A jammer must have both of her skates in-bounds to score on an opponent. B) On the first pass, the first jammer that makes it through the pack without intentionally stepping off the track or committing a foul is called the lead jammer. The lead has the power to stop the jam at any time before the two minutes has ended. She indicates that she wants to stop the jam early by placing both hands on her hips. If neither jammer passes the pack legally, there is no lead and the jam goes on for the full two minutes. C) The blocker at the front of the pack is called the pivot, and is indicated by a stripe on her helmet. After the first pass, the jammer can hand the cap on her helmet to the pivot, and the pivot becomes the only player on the team who can score (essentially becomes the jammer). Once the star cap is on the pivots helmet, she scores a point for each opponent she passes for the remainder of the jam. If a lead jammer passes the star, the pivot does not get lead status, and must jam for the full two minutes. D) Teams are occasionally forced to skate short for one of three reasons: 1) A skater was not on the track, for whatever reason, when the jam began. 2) A player has been ejected for receiving four minor penalties. Minor penalties include hitting from behind, intentionally stepping off the track, hitting girls with the forearms or elbows, and using straight arms to block. 3) A player has been ejected for receiving a major penalty. Major penalties include fighting, punching in the face, gouging out eyes and swift kicks to the kidneys. Skaters are ejected for one minute, essentially giving the opposing team a power play. When a player is absent for any of these reasons, the opposing jammer continues to score one point for the absent skater each time she passes the pack.
If a skater commits three of the same major penalties (12 minor penalties) over the course of the bout, she is ejected from the game. . .and will most likely be found in the beer garden.
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