Monday, August 23, 2010

Rescue me

I'm bored. Bored with life, with work, with things in general. Not that I dislike my life, since things seem to be slowly, but surely falling into place. I think it's just the stress of everyday life that's boring me. I'm bored with stress. Though who's to say stress is fun. Entertaining at times, but never fun. The boyfriend and I are in a better place, he's doing well with his new found soberness. The kids are finally back in school, so my daily food supply has gone up and the daily knife fights between the kiddos has lessened. I'm working out daily and eating better, so I'm losing weight and feeling better about myself. But the stress is there. It's slow at work right now, the bad economy plus a slow season equals me sitting on my ass NOT getting paid to do nothing. On the plus side, I've gotten a lot of summer reading done. The slowness, however, corelates with the stressors of not having enough money to pay all my bills. Something I've come to become fond of, since I like having a phone, cable, oh, and a house to live in with electricity and water and gas. All silly things to want, but a necessary evil none the less.

I don't know. I feel lately like I'm aimlessly wandering through life with unseeing eyes. Nothing catching my attention for longer than 5 minutes. Like walking through a fog and catching a glimpse of a ray of light, but losing interest in looking for it after an unsuccessful 5 minutes.

::sigh:: I hate feeling like this. And good sex doesn't even seem to be quashing this feeling. That's when you know something's wrong with me...when a good romp in the sack can't pull me out of my emo-ness. Generally, there's nothing like a good shag to get me out of any funk. Guess this might be one of those things I might have to actually face head on to figure out what it is. Pshaw, who wants to do that? Not I, said the fly.

Before I bore myself to sleep with this boring blahg, I'll leave it at that. Ruts are not fun to talk about with the general public unless I know what the cause of said rut is. Until next time.

xoxo

Monday, August 16, 2010

Things and stuff and whatever

I used to think my brain was big. Huge even. Why would I think this? Because 90% of my cousins, along with the nickname 'cupcake', called me pumpkin head. Not like the movie, but because they said my head was so big. I have since learned that my head wasn't really that big but that I just hadn't grown into it. And in having a big head, I was under the conviction that I just had a really big brain. This may not be true. Currently, my mind is so overrun with random crap that my normal sized brain is filled to the brim. Here is a list of what is currently on this massive organ of mine.

1. Money: this is one thing that will never go away. Unless I start making a shit ton of it, in which case I'm sure I will become obsessed with making more, as I already am, just not as ambitiously. This being on my mind because I don't make enough of it. Supporting 4 people on my small, commission based income is no bueno. The bad economy and the slow summer months are definitely taking its toll. More and more of my clients are waiting longer between haircuts and colors, or no longer getting colors done by me, that it hurts. But, no use crying over spilled milk, I just gotta keep on keeping on (yes, I just said that...I may also be going crazy).

2. Excercise: I have started working out at an actual gym. No longer do my workouts consist of sitting on the couch wearing workout gear watching Charmed while saying I'm going to move my ass. And so far so good! I have lost 10.5 pounds, which I think is pretty sweet. 50 more pounds to go! One good thing I can say about excercise is that I get a mad rush of endorphins and feel kind of high, which helps since I no longer drink.

As I write this, my mind has gone totally blank! I really need to start writing stuff down when I think it so I don't have these problems. I could also probably get more sleep, stop stressing and lay off the pipe, then maybe I could finish a blog without feeling like an asshole since I thought I was so clever writing this and have to stop midway to say I feel like an asshole for forgeting what I'm writing about. Well, it probably wasn't that important OR clever anyway.

Ah, such is life in horrorland. Until next time.

xoxo