When it rains, it pours

A lots been going on in my life lately, and not all of it good. I'd have to say I've been in a rut. Not to mention in the middle of a lot of chaos. But I'm glad to say that, for the most part, the downward spiral is done.

Sometimes you have to wonder at the fast balls life tends to throw at you. And there's always a decision you have to make to deal with whatever hardship. My decisions usually consist of me locking myself in my room for days at a time watching the Sex and the City series and feeling sorry for myself. Now I'm all better though. I've gotten most of my ducks in a row, so to speak, and have decided it is time to stand up straight again and get myself out of the rut that has me wanting to live someone else's life.

I am now on the search for a place to call my own. So that's giving me a little ray of hope. Currently I'm cleaning my room and looking through my 100 or so pairs of shoes for some fancy ones I can wear for my good friends' wedding I'm in this weekend since my troubles of the last week left me out $1,000. Also to get ready for the wedding I've perfected the french manicure on myself, something I've always thought too girly for me...oh and extensions in my too short hair. Yeah, the wedding is bringing out the girl in me. I've become a jane of all trades beauty edition. Next up is diy hair clips, garter and at-home waxing. I took a little break to eat some mac n' cheese, but I better get back to my tasks at hand before I lose my wind and decide to lay around some more. Something I'm very good at.

Judgey wudgey was a bear

What really cracks me up (and by cracks me up i mean annoys me) is when people have a certain perception of me. Usually that perception is that I'm this real tough, mean, crazy freak in bed. The truth is, I am far from crazy, I'm probably nicer than you and while I'm great in the sack, I am no where near "freaky". I guess I just look the part.

Which is funny since last time I checked my tattoos and assorted accoutrements were not acquired with the hopes of impressing someone or rebelling against something or proving anything. Besides "did that hurt", "is it/are they real" and "do you know you'll have those when you're old", one of the most asked questions is, "How long have you had those/that?" Why? Why do you, a complete stranger want to know how long I've had my assorted piercings. I just don't get it. Although my favorite one is the "do you know you'll have those when you're old" because I mean, really, I didn't know that and you telling me has completely opened my eyes. Thank you so much for enlightening me.

But I digress, I am not writing to rant. My point is that it amazes me how someone won't even know me in person, just through the world of myspace, and they know me...they know I'm "crazy"...or that I'm a beautiful person on the inside. Maybe its the pms in me talking, but after a while, that kind of shit does really get to me. You know, especially around this time of the month when I'm feeling sorry for myself. It happens.

So being judged by my outward appearance is sometimes not fun. Like poop.

Nutshell is full

Just a few things that have been filling up the nutshell that is my life. Here are a few tidbits:

1. Last night I was in the Miss Hair-azona 2008 competition. I didn't win. It was pretty much a beauty pageant without the cheesy opening number, bikini portion or talent competition. I didn't want to do it...not that I don't think I'm hot enough, but I'm not disillusioned as to what the majority of the male population likes, which is girls that look like the girls that were my competition. But I did it, and I got a lot of free drinks, maybe a little too much, and had fun nonetheless.

2. I'm still working 2 jobs, and still manage to never have money. Go figure. Speaking of work, on Saturday at job 2, which is Sally's, I have to dress like Paris Hilton. Man, the things I do for money. Let me elaborate. We started selling her synthetic, crappy hair "extensions" and Saturday is Paris Hilton day. I have to wear a pink shirt. I don't own a pink shirt. I kind of want to quit on integrity alone. Oh what a glamorous life I lead.

3. My dad has another book coming out this month. I'm super stoked about it. He may even be coming to AZ for a book signing. He is, after all, a literary icon.

4. My love life, or lack there of, has been, well, lacking to say the least. Not much fun for me.

5. I'm going to Vegas at the end of June for a hair show, and while I'm there, I'll be hitting up the Sin City tattoo convention. I couldn't be more excited to get out of dodge. I need a vacation real bad.

6. I may have sleep apnea, insomnia and narcolepsy. I'm not really surprised by the insomnia because I can't sleep ever, but the narcolepsy is surprising. I guess I should make a trip to the evil doctor and see what's up with all that nonsense.

7. I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my friend Jessica's wedding. This should be interesting. I've never been in a wedding before. Hey, did you hear? Bridesmaids always put out.

That's about it. Nothing really interesting going on. I just work and take care of the kiddos, and occasionally drink way too much alcohol. That's a day in the life of me, I guess.

10 things I hate about you

Regarding driving:

1. It's okay to drive the speed limit.

2. When the light turns green, you're supposed to apply pressure to the gas peddle with your right foot. You are not going to receive an invitation nor is it going to get any greener.

3. If you're going to cut someone off, maybe gas it so that I don't have to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting you because you're going a staggering 10 mph.

4. The whole state of AZ is not a school zone...so there's no need to drive 15 mph everywhere. If you're old you probably shouldn't be driving.

5. Peeling out and making your tires squeal does not, I repeat, does not make you cool.

6. Honking your horn does not make cars go any faster.

7. Pedestrians should use a crosswalk...if I hit you with my car when you're not in a crosswalk, it's not my fault. Be afraid, be very afraid.

8. Super bright lights in your monster bro truck are just annoyingly blinding. Are you trying to compensate for something?

9. If you're getting on the freeway, try speeding it up a little. 20 mph is just going to get you smashed.

10. If you want to ride my ass so bad buy me dinner first, then get me real drunk.

Adventures in Whoreland: webdating Wednesday

It's been a while since I've parlayed any adventures on here. There have been some, not necessarily in Whoreland, more like it's-been-so-long-since-I've-had-good-sexland. But I'm surviving as best as a girl with a 22 year old frat boy's libido can, you know. The boys I have met on the outskirts of Whoreland are the typical promisers of the world type. Where they're smitten with me for a mere second as they spout promises of things I know will never come to be, but I listen, smile, nod and laugh on the inside because I'm not typical. To be honest though, there is that rare moment where I actually believe the randomness...but I'm old and have learned a thing or two so I'm confident in my ability to bounce back from stupidity pretty quickly.

Speaking of bouncing back, I have resumed my purveyance of the ever entertaining Craigslist ads for the sake of my own entertainment and mockery. So since I can't sleep even though I am so freakin' tired, I peruse...it's what I do. This first one pretty much is self explanatory as to why I picked it and I laughed after reading it for about 5 whole minutes.

Dark Haired, Busty, & Tattooed?

Reply to: pers-652******@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-22, 10:59PM MST


If that describes you, and you appreciate an attractive easy going man who loves giving head to busty tattooed women, then this posting is definitely for you.

To me, that's some funny shit. I am, in fact, dark haired, busty and tattooed, but chances are this guy means plain brown hair, big fake boobs on a size 2 frame and a tribal butterfly tramp stamp. Classic.

Then this one caught my eye.

Help a guy out::just got a tatoo and cant use my right arm: - m4w - 27 (East valley)

Reply to: pers-6528*******@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-04-22, 11:37PM MST


Just got a tatoo on my right arm and could use some help tonight. Pic for pic

I have to wonder if this guy has ever used this line in real life. I don't really have much to say about this one, I just got a good laugh out of it and thought you might be amused by it as well...though it's hard to tell who will be amused by the things that amuse me, you know, being that I'm easily distracted by shiny, pretty things.

10 things I hate about you

Regarding my stretched ears.

1. No, they don't currently hurt. Why in the hell would I get something done that would permanently hurt? They initially hurt, but just like a regular ear piercing, it stings then the pain goes away once they're healed.

2. Yes, I know they're big, contrary to popular belief I do look in the mirror from time to time so I do, in fact, see how big they are. Oh yeah, and I CHOSE the size I wanted my lobes. I don't need you to tell me.

3. I do know that my ears are going to be big for the rest of my life. I'm not one of those kids these days that are stretching their ears and getting tattoos because it's trendy. I know the repercussions of my actions, I'm almost 30 for crying out loud.

4. Don't attempt to stick your finger in them. I barely let my good friends do it, why would I want some imbecilic stranger with fecal matter covered hands do it. I wouldn't, so don't try.

Regarding my pierced dimples.

5. No, it is not a bar that goes completely across my mouth from cheek to cheek. I am not one of those dumb a-holes that thinks having 50 balls in my face is cool. They're simple barbells in each cheek, just like any other regular piercing, except its in my cheek. Not to mention the fact that a bar going from cheek to cheek would totally prohibit me from talking properly, eating or sucking dick. Don't be a retard.

6. Don't try to touch them. That is unsanitary and icky. Not to mention an invasion of my personal space.

Regarding my face tattoo.

7. This is where the no touching rule is in effect once again. Yes it is real. No I don't draw them on my face every day. Also the fact that I have real good skin and your dirty, oil covered hands touching my face gives me zits.

Regarding any of my tattoos.

8. Yes, they hurt. Parts of my body are pierced and scraped repeatedly with needles. Especially the ones on my face, chest, feet, knuckles and fingers.

Regarding my general appearance.

9. Last time I checked, I wasn't employed by a circus. So oohing and ahhing at me while trying to touch my various appendages are not appropriate. Unless I like you and give you permission. Otherwise, maybe learn some personal boundaries. And as far as I know, I don't have nearly as many tattoos and/or piercings as other people, so maybe go bug them because they're probably way cooler than me and like the attention.

Regarding my general appearance unrelated to my tattoos and/or piercings.

10. Just because there is someone standing next to me who is brown skinned, has dark hair and wearing similar clothing does not mean we're sisters. All brown people look alike, apparently, and we're at work where we have to wear a uniform. And while I'm on the subject, my best friend and I both have dark hair and wear glasses, so that does not mean that we are sisters or twins. She's pasty white and I'm clearly mexican.

Sometimes I just wonder what really goes through people's minds before they speak. I honestly believe that 98% of the population has a hamster running a wheel in place of an actual brain. I know that I am not the smartest, coolest or prettiest girl around, but I'm not a complete retard, *ahem*, mentally challenged. All of what I'm bitching about has actually happened to me in the last two days. I guess that's what I get for working in Snottsdale. Well, I guess I can't really blame it on that, I've had people get out of their cars in parking lots to gawk at me in Tempe and Mesa. Sometimes I kind of miss the good old days where we were judged on our looks and though to be mean miscreants and people would leave us alone. Then I wouldn't be bombarded on a daily basis with an onslaught of inane comments and questions.

Man, is that pms hitting me hard this month.

Marathon of madness

I seem to have lost the ability to sleep at night. But give me sunshine, and I'm all about the zzzz's. At least I was yesterday. I guess I haven't really been home during the day much, what with my crazyness and all, but I took the morning off from the salon and I didn't have to be to Sally's until late in the afternoon.

While I was watching my Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon, I passed out. Upon waking, I discovered the entire left side of my face was covered in something wet and sticky. Now, had I a boyfriend, or something resembling that I would be able to tell you some sort of wacky story about our shenanigans resulting in the aforementioned state of my waking. But alas, that is not the case. It was merely drool. About a gallon of drool. Besides the ick factor, I don't remember the last time I drooled that much, at least sober. When I do drool, it's a sign that there is a definite lack of sleep. What's a girl to do. Nothing but keep on chugging along...at least until next week when my hours are cut short from Sally's. Hallelujah.

Speaking of work, I should probably stop screwing around on my computer and get ready being that I have an early morning client. The genius is home sick and I was real close to calling my client and rescheduling, but the money part won out. So it's off to work I go. At least I actually have the evening off.

Drinking, and working, and kids, oh my!

1. So I've been working a lot lately. And surprisingly, I still never have any money. Don't ask me how it happens, I have yet to figure it out myself.

2. Speaking of working a lot and not having any money, I rarely have time or the energy to drink as much as I used to, thus making me a light weight...go figure. So when I do go out (don't ask how I can drink when I don't have money, all you have to know is that I'm rad) I get drunk faster making me one of two things: 1. a cheap date or 2. very wordy.

3. I had to help do a 5th grade science project about rocket propulsion. To begin my week, then to end it I took 4 1st graders to dinner and the park, by myself, for the princess' birthday. How I survived that, I'll never know. One of the little girls was probably the spawn of Satan and he sent her to torture me for all the shitty stuff I've done in my life.

4. I went on a sort of blind date with a way younger guy who is almost a foot and half taller than me...making out on tip-toes is hard.

In a nutshell...

Adventures in Horrorland, not to be confused with Whoreland

So amongst everything else going on in my sometimes understimulating, sometimes over exhausting life, my internet has been kaput so I have not had any sort of access to the outside world...otherwise known as Myspace.

Not too much has happened lately. Besides working two jobs, living out of my car and being way too tired to even go out and drink (the alcoholic withdrawals are harsh), things have been pretty meh...yeah, just meh. You know, aside from the occasional road rage or dealing with old ladies, Scottsdale snobs and the general public at my Sally's job. Today though, was stellar. I only worked at Sally's today, so I didn't want to kill myself to get some rest at the end of the day. While there, I always get comments on my multiple piercings and tattoos, but todays comment was by far the weirdest. A crotchety, old, hunched over lady came in looking for a mirror. I pointed her to the aisle and took my place back behind the cash register. She came up with her purchase and as I was ringing her up and putting her stuff in a bag when I heard a meek little voice speak. This is the conversation which ensued:

Crotchety old lady: "You look awful."

I slowly look up in disbelief and say, "Oh...because of my tattoos?"

Crotchety old lady: "Because of your tattoos, your piercings, everything! It makes me sick. It just hurts me that you would do that. It makes me want to cry."

I was in complete and utter awe and shock at what this teeny little white haired version of the crypt keeper was telling me. I didn't say anything to her since I had been rendered speechless. But I'm pretty sure the sassy, gay Mexican I work with smart mouthed her when she told him our music, which was a Rolling Stones song on the radio, "was horrible."

You know she's one of those people that dislikes "those darkies" and "dem wetbacks." Crazy white lady.

Let the games begin

It's been a long while since I've really written anything on here with any substance, or well, interestingness. It doesn't really have anything to do with my two new jobs, since I just barely started working the second one yesterday and the salon has been pretty easy scheduled (read: I go in when I please) since it's not that busy yet, oh yeah, and since I'm not licensed yet. Speaking of which, if any of you want to give me money so I can pay for my state boards, I would not argue with you. But I digress. The whole me-not-blogging-or-writing-poetry thing is because I haven't really had anything to talk about. Oh, besides the running into that one night stand, life has been pretty typical. You know my usual drinking at Jupes or Casey Moores with my bests antics, just doesn't seem to be cutting it for entertainment value. At least in my eyes.

So today, out of sheer boredom, I posted an ad on Craigslist. Yes, I know the last time i did that the results were a catastrophe what with that one ex-boyfriend, but this time it's different. For one, I used short sentences, small words and was blunt. Oh yeah, and I posted my picture. Which I have never done before. And before you go check it out for yourself, it has already been flagged for removal...but not before I received about 98 responses. I'm pretty sure it got flagged because I maybe didn't respond back to someone and they got pissed. Whatever. I'm real surprised though, because in addition to the weird ones, funny ones and the cock pics, I got some pretty cool dudes. Though that really remains to be seen. Let's face it, internet dating, as some of you may know, is like visiting a glory hole. You never know what you're going to get. Not that I've ever been to a glory hole.

So I took the plunge and placed the ad and have e-mailed back and forth the most interesting, less scary responses. After all, a writer (I use the term writer loosely) needs to write about what they know. And if something good comes from it, whether it be a relationship and/or some even more interesting stories for Adventures in Whoreland, so be it. I'm pretty much down for anything and I did plan to be more adventurous and more fearless for this new year.

Life is too short to not live it to the fullest. Bang. Let the games begin.

My life in a nutshell: an existential update

I have two jobs now. Sally beauty supply, which I have yet to actually start, and The Chop Shop in Scottsdale. Interesting. New tattoos, working on my sleeve. Bitchin'. No sexual conquests as of late. Not so bitchin'. Cold fingers on my right hand only. Weird. Talking to my new nephew in his mommy's tummy. Nurturing. Twirling in my bridesmaid dress. Exciting. Planning the princess' 7th birthday rock n' roll party. Fun.

That's about all I've got.

Adventures in Whoreland

I think it's safe to say that the whole "Adventures in Whoreland" thing can apply to me in more ways than one. That title is not only to describe the antics of personal ads purveyors, but to describe the antics of one Mal Vicious.

Most people that know me well know that I like to play. Sometimes though, my playing catches up with me. I often like to describe myself as a man in a woman's body. That mainly pertains to my school of thought on relationships. Being that I don't generally like them. As much as I say I want a boyfriend, when the opportunity arrives I run for the hills. On the occasional hook up, I'm usually the one to sneak out in the morning with nothing but a curt note and a vague recollection of the night before. However, I'm pretty sure my flavor of the night doesn't mind at all that he doesn't have to deal with "that girl" he took home.

As much fun as I have, it sometimes catches up with me in the most unexpected places. Take Friday night for example. The crew and I hit up our local Pub n' Grub for some drinks. I hadn't planned on staying out late or drinking too much since I had a client very early the next morning. Four pitchers and a few rounds of rummy later I was pretty drunk. I ordered food because it seemed like a good idea at the time. As I was eating my fries a boy I didn't know who was friends with one of mine showed up and plopped himself right next to me. I paid no attention until I saw him reach for and take some of my fries. I drunkenly chastised him for taking a strangers fries citing rudeness, so he introduced himself to me and we shook hands. The second he said his name, I knew I'd slept with him before. I hadn't even really looked at his face, just the name and the touch of his hand sent through the faded memory. I immediately told Kendra what I was pretty sure had happened. Of course she asked when and I told her the story.

It had been a few years ago when after a night of drinking at a bar then a friends house, Kendra, another friend and I decided it was a good idea to go to one of his friends' houses. We got there and I immediately noticed one of the roommates took a liking to me. At the time I had real long hair and he wanted to play with it. Weird, I know. As the morning went on (yes, I said morning, it was like 6 am), I was peer pressured to do a couple of beer bongs. As if I wasn't already shit housed enough. Eventually, on my way out of the bathroom, said roommate cornered me and kissed me. Well, without any of the details, we "hooked up".

Fast forward to a few nights ago where I run into him and Kendra and I laughed our asses off at the hilarity that is my life. At least it wasn't as bad as when I ran into one of my flavors in San Diego. I mean, when you start seeing them in another state, that's when you know you're in trouble. Now this isn't to say that I'm a turbo slut and hump anything with a penis, nor is it to say that I'm virginal. I'd like to say that I like to enjoy everything that life has to offer and have fun...and sometimes its just plain funny.

It's about damn time

Well, I did it. I finally graduated cosmetology school. Hooray for me. The grand day was this last Saturday...I got some flowers and a balloon and I clocked out as some friends and family looked on. Then I cried. Sometimes I hate being a girl. Regardless of some joking comments, I am NOT a beauty school drop out. Watch out world, here I come.

Adventures in Whoreland

This week I'm bored of Craigslist. Maybe its because I've been too busy to actually peruse the online meat market. Or maybe its because there are the same ads from the same people every day. I've looked and looked and looked but all I see are ads that I've written about before, they're just worded differently.

I don't know, maybe the fact that I'm actually happy with my life, and have been for almost a month now has sizzled out my ability to blatantly, verbally attack complete strangers for their lifestyle choices. Maybe I should re-think this whole happiness schtick.

Meanwhile, I will sit here and work on my plan for world domination. Or better yet, my plan to become famous through MySpace popularity. I mean, if Tila Tequila can do it, why can't I? I'm not as trashy OR dumb. That was mean. Maybe the whole happiness should include being nice. Wait, who am I trying to fool, happy or not, I'm not nice. Meh, tomato, tomahtoe.

Adventures in Whoreland: webdating Wednesday

Why is it that we, as a whole, feel the need to fix things. From cars to houses, to people. Women are generally more prone to "fixing up" their significant others. I've actually heard a woman say that "you have to catch men early to train and fix them". I thought we were looking for a man to spend the rest of our lives with and not dogs. I guess I was wrong on that count.

I'm starting to think, though, that that particular way of thinking is ruining it for the rest of us. If I had a dollar for every time I met a guy who looked promising in the looks, humor, personality department but not so great in the job, making good money department. The funny thing is I don't care about all that other superficial crap. What I care about is the person, but they tend to think I care about whether or not they have a good paying job. Yes, that is sort of important in the long run, but something that can be worked out. I believe that if you have to fix it, don't buy it.

It looks like this guy is looking for his pretty woman. Well, whatever floats your boat.

Looking for a fixer upper ... - 42

Reply to: @craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-10, 11:25AM MST


Seeking a very young (18-25), single, desperate, obedient, down on your luck, semi-homeless, shelter, halfway house, trailer park kinda girl, no kids & no drugs but sexually open minded & decent teeth (at least the front ones) you must be in fairly good physical shape and just in need of some TLC & cosmetic overhaul. I will woo you with flowers and romance. I will pick out your new clothing, jewelry, hair & makeup. provide you with multiple orgasms and help clean & fix you up and make you into my very own classy young trophy girl to hang on my arm and have my way with.

Although with all my financial woes, if I were single and, oh yeah, desperate, I might consider taking him up on his offer.

Adventures in Whoreland: webdating Wednesday

Every week I generally find the same people posting the same ads. Boring boring boring. Every once in a while I find a funny one...though sometimes I'm reaching in the funny department. Then there are those times where I find the proverbial needle in the haystack that is just too good for words. Maybe its the desensitization this insane world has ingrained in my head, but some of the things people like/want just don't really surprise me anymore. But this one...this one made me think. I thought that either the guy who posted this is 1. joking, 2. merely wants to see how far a woman will go (and judging by porn these days, she'll go far) to humiliate her or 3. he really and truly is genuinely intrigued by such a simple human fact. What do you think?

Generous and need pee - m4w - 28

Reply to: @craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-15, 5:28PM MST


I posted this a few days ago and got some responses. But, nobody was really serious. I am very serious and want to do this. If you reply, please include a pic of at least a discription of yourself. I can host and am looking for tonight.

I am a generous man in Chandler looking for a girl who will pee her pants for me. I am goodlooking and am looking for now or really soon. I can host. Here is my pic. If you have one, it would be much appreciated.

The best part? He posted a picture. Now I know that pictures on the 'net aren't reliable, but still...I truly love the pictures. And I truly hope that I see these people, this guy in particular, out in the "real world". Not to be outright mean, but to silently relish in the little secret that they don't know I know. Voracious isn't the right word, but its the first that comes to mind.

Oh how time flies

I can't help but be preoccupied with my impending birthday. In 8 days time I will be 29 years old. Yes, I know, it's not that old. The number isn't really what's getting to me. Sure, its that much closer to the big 3-0, but thats not it. Now I know I'm one of millions that have this problem the older they get and I am most definitely not the first one to express it.

I think its funny how we, as a human race, live. We're born, reared by parents and molded into an "individual". Then we're left to our own devices to birth and rear our own children if we so choose and otherwise make a life for ourselves. At this point in my life I feel as though I'm playing house. But not even a good version of house. With me about to turn 29 and the genius about to turn 11 shortly after I've been thinking a lot about the future, something that is unknown territory to me. In six and a half short years he will be ready to head off to a school some 800 miles away to pursue a long desired career. I realize that things change, but him talking about his plans already is really bringing me to reality.

The more I take a look around at my surroundings I notice...something I can't quite put my finger on. I've just been realizing that I don't think 17 and 18 year olds are old enough, maturity wise, to be out in the world on their own. I go school with a lot of girls around that age, and no offense to them because some of them are actually really rad, but I see it, the lack of life behind their eyes. I honestly don't know how I did it. I clearly was too stupid to be making my own decisions. I started having sex when I was seventeen (nowhere near as early as some of my other friends), got pregnant, graduated high school and married all in a matter of months. Then came 19. Separated after a whole year of playing house, I met who would be a pivotal player in my game of life.

I moved in with my mom, aka the live-in babysitter. I worked full-time and started learning how to live my life again. Enter the pivotal player. She was a anomaly. The anomaly and I then came to what I will now refer to as the wonder years. As in, "I wonder what happened that week because we were so wasted". I was seperated, young and didn't really know the possibilities. And then I found out. Cue the sex, drugs and rock and roll...literally, we partied like rock stars. That lasted until I got pregnant with the princess at 21. Back to playing house. Fast forward to separation yet again. I realized that even though I was, am, a good mom, I'm not cut out for the married life. Too much restraints and shackles. Call me masculine, I call it free-spirited. Nonetheless, I feel at that age I should have still been in high school not taking care of a family.

Now as my looming birthday rears its ugly head I still feel unready to take the world at large. Maybe because I have still not ventured out on my own as a true adult. Or maybe its because I'm high in the ranks of perpetually, emotionally stunted big kids. The very thought of my unreadiness gives me bats. And not the cute little I've-become-smitten-with-a-cute-boy kind of bats, the holy-shit-I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing kind.

Well, what's a girl to do, but go on living life at best while I fight like hell to not lose two of the most important things in my life...my sanity and my self. Emotionally retarded isn't the correct ailment, but its the first that comes to mind.

The bats are back

And its not over a boy either, surprisingly enough. I think those bats are dead. This time its over my impending graduation. This afternoon in the middle of a partial highlight I got called into the directors office. When I walked in I was surprised to find both the director and the financial aid guy, both with big grins on their faces. At first I thought I was in trouble. Then she told me it was just my hours, but they were messed up since I had been terminated.

Even thought my hours weren't showing, the director informed me that I'll be graduating in about 3 weeks. 3 weeks! As excited as I am to be done with school, I'm a little uneasy about it as well. It kind of brings me back to the high school oh-no-I'm-going-to-be-thrown-into-the-real-world feelings. I'm 17 again. Only this time, I'm not about to have a baby, I'm about to embark on a full time actual career. Scary.

Not only did the director freak me out by telling me when I graduate, she freaked me out by telling me that she had a salon for me. A good one she knows I'll do good at. Scary. I don't think I was this freaked when I found out I was pregnant my senior year in high school. Go figure. I guess we'll see what the frightening world has to offer me. The bats are out of control.

Adventures in Whoreland: webdating wednesday is back from sabbatical

Here's the thing about Craigslist personals...the majority of people posting ads on there are lost in a land of delusion. Now, I'm not saying that people don't find "love" through online dating, because it happens, however shitty it ends (case in point, me). However, a lot of the people on here are just plain reaching. Take the ad below. The guy is looking for a woman no bigger than a size 6 with extremely big, fake breasts or someone who wants them. Chances are, that kind of woman is NOt, I reapeat, NOT on Craigslist searching for a mate. She's out trolling the clubs in Scottsdale. I mean, I'm just sayin'.

This "man" posted his MySpace url and I did look at it. After all, I'm nosy and this blahg just wouldn't be the same if I weren't so in other peoples business. He's not bad looking, apparently (according to pics) loaded with a hint of white trashiness. To bring my whole point home though, this man has been posting this, and another similar, ad for about 3 months. Probably longer, 3 months is just all I can remember. Give it up dude, you're not going to find this anomaly through an internet classified ad.

Looking for a wife who wants...

Reply to: @craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-23, 7:29AM MST


YES, I'm Looking for a serious relationship with a SLIM, FIT and attractive Lady who particularly WANTS or already has very large breast implants. I'm talking a woman no larger than a size 6 wanting DD to DDD implants. Yes, I like the "obviously implants" look on a slim tight figure. I'm a very handsome man, 44yo, 5'11", 185lbs and fit. Successful, beautiful homes, all the toys, etc. I seek a SOULMATE who would love to find a man who will give her encouragement and support in developing this extremely busty look. See sample photos below for the look I'm describing. Obviously, it takes a hell of a lot more than boobs to make a relationship but I definitely would like to find a woman who shares this interest before moving forward in a relationship. Feel free to write if you do... and of course, your pic gets mine or go to www dot myspace dot com




Delusion is the right word, and it is the first to come to mind.

New year, old gripes

One thing I hate the most that had to happen to me today, the second day of the new year, is when random dudes off the street ask me to let them fix the dent in my car for a small fee.

Here's the thing...even if I HAD money to spare to fix my car, I'd do it in a reputable car shop...not in the parking lot of a local Circle K. You may think its convenient and you're helping me out, but in my opinion, you're just shady. Especially when I kindly reject your question of, "Do you ever plan to fix that ding in your car?" No a-hole, I was planning on having a dent in my car for the rest of my life. Turns out, there ARE dumb questions. After I kindly rejected his offer by offering that I have no money, but thank you, I left my car to go inside and pay for my gas...but before I made it in, the shady dude pulled up IN FRONT OF ME and blocked the entrance..."Hey ma'am, I'll fix it for you for $100 bucks on the spot!" Being that I may be a huge bitch and pretty mean at times, I'm pretty much real shy and unconfrontational to strangers. I really wanted to tell the guy to leave me alone because him bugging me to let him undent my car would be like me spotting a lady with real bad hair, walking up to her and asking her if I could do her hair. Of course I'd give her a deal. $50 bucks, right here on the spot. I have my shears in the car, who cares if I'm parked in front of McDonalds.

What I thought in my mind and what actually came out of my mouth apparently warranted dirty looks from the men in the truck. As though I were lying about the $10 to my name that I was using for gas. Just leave me alone people. I do NOT want you to fix my dent at Circle K, I do NOT want you to cut me a deal because I told you I don't have money. When I say I don't have money, I really mean I don't have money. I don't mean that I have a couple of extra hundred bucks laying around. Usually what I say, I mean. I may be a girl, but I don't generally have underlying meanings when I say something. I do NOT expect you to read my mind. I appreciate the fact that you are trying to lead a respectable life by running your own business, but leave me along. I don't want your street business. Maybe next time I'll be able to just say all that instead of being polite.

Politeness may be my downfall. Happy New Year to me.