All about me

Being a procrastinator has stunted my search for fame. Why would I want to be famous, you ask? Not necessarily for the sake of recognition, although I get a secret high from being recognized on the street (doesn't happen often), but for the money. I'm not going to lie. I would so be that homeless guy on the street with the sign that says, "I'm not gunna lie, I'm going to buy marijuana with your money." So I won't lie now, i just want to be famous so I can actually pay my rent. That'd be pretty sweet.

Not that I do anything to try to be famous (let's see how many times I use the word 'famous'), I just hope that I'll just magically become famous. Like Tila Tequila, but you know, not skeazy or ugly. In my opinion she looks like a retarded asian midget. She literally just got big fake boobs and started making out with chicks in bikinis...then overnight she's famous and gets her own mtv show because a million retards friended her on the space. Wait, did I say retards? I meant wonderful, smart, sexy people (hey, if they like her, maybe they'll like me).

But since I don't wear bikinis, say I'm bi or have fake boobs, I'm going to have to try and make my own way. By make my own way, I mean try my hand at a reality show. I'm not on it yet, but I hope to be. It's a new show for hairstylists. I figure that even if I don't get far in the competion, I'm sure to win the hearts of home audience viewers with my charming personality, dry sardonicism and all around awesomeness. I mean, that's how I make money now.

Since I'm trying to get on the show, the first step is to send in a bio of myself. I seem to be having trouble writing the bio. They want "over-over the top personalities", and while I wouldn't say I'm totally over the top, I am loud, slightly unfiltered and sarcastic to a fault. How do I put that in writing so that the producers, or what have you, don't have a sudden case of the sleepies while reading my bio. Or worse yet, how do I keep them from not tossing it in the trash after reading the first sentence and deciding I'm boring?

This is just too much pressure. Among other things, I'm a big, fat pussy. I know I don't look it, but I am pretty bashful and not very forward. Though I am a real good bull-shitter. Which is how I hope to get through any of this, if I make it. We'll see, I guess if this is my meal ticket, it'll happen. My fingers are crossed.