Then came the rain

I got completely caught in the huge rain storm yesterday. As I got ready to pick up some art supplies at Michaels, I put on a dress. It's a light, cotton white and blue striped number borrowed from Lornzilla. I decided to wear it even though I had to work because I was so freakin' hot that I wanted to wear as little clothes as possible.<p>As I was driving towards work to pick up my paycheck so that I might cash it and get food before my shift, it started to rain. Just a few big drops at first. Then it came. Sheets and sheets of buckets of water pouring down. It came as fast as a virgin boy.<p>I ended up stuck on Apache in horrendous traffic. Construction plus pouring rain plus flooded streets equals no cashed paycheck for Mal. I was able to, however, stop at CVS for some much needed agua and Monster. This is what the rain looked like before I got out of the car to sprint into the store.

I literally had to run into the store. But to no avail. My dress still got soaked and the white parts...well, let's just say I was not dressed PG for public at this point. I had no choice though, I didn't have time to go home and change, I had to get straight to work.

A trip that would normally take me less than 10 minutes, took me almost 20. It was near impossible to see out the windshield, not to mention the fact that no one could drive in the right lane since it was flooded. It was fun times for me. The fun continued once I got to work. The Rural shop was closed due to a power outage, so on what is usually a ridiculously slow Monday, we were crazy busy. Floods, leaks, tons of walk-ins...I had my work cut out for me. But I got it done like a trooper. I should probably get the counter bitch of the year award. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin.

Despite the leaks everywhere, including in my room, I wish it would stay raining. Then maybe it wouldn't be so muggy and retchedly humid out. One plus to the humidity, I practically have a fro'. Talk about bitchin' hair.

Speaking of fro's, the genius wants to grow his hair out. I think he wants an emo/skater type of do...though I think it might just turn out to be one big poufy mess. The longer his hair gets, the bigger his head looks. Maybe he'll cry himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow.

I know this blahg is sporadic, but I'm in babbly mode right now. I keep thinking things, so I write them down.

It was my dad's birthday on the 21st. I'm an asshole...and I'll tell you why. That Monday after, the sister and I went shopping. As we were looking through random cards, she asked me if I'd called dad for his birthday.
"No," I replied, "his birthday isn't until the 26th."
"Or it was on the 21st. Where'd you get the 26th from?"
"I have no idea. Maybe I just made it up because deep down I know it was the 21st and I'd missed it that way it just looks like I was late and not forgetful."
*whew*
So hopefully when my DADDY reads this, he'll find the humor in my misstep and forgive me.

Add daughter of the year to my mom of the year awards. I'm a winner.

My 15 seconds of rock stardom

Last Thursday, I decided that I wanted to hang out with the wife before she ditched me yet again to go to Vegas. I only wanted to go out for a minute and have one, MAYBE two beers. Usually when I say that, I end up getting shitfaced and staying out way too late. I think you can see where this is going.

I though we were going to hip up Jupes or Pub n Grub, a couple of our usual haunts. I got the text that we were heading to O'Kelleys. My karaoke haven. I've gotten to the point now where I can sing without having drank a lot first. I sang my first of the night...Patsy Cline's Walkin' after midnight. Next was Billy Ocean, which was more of a fun song being that Lornzilla and I barely knew the words. As I was waiting for my next song, the dj made an announcement. O'Kelleys was holding a karaoke contest. I pshawed...there's no way I'm good enough to win a contest...especially since I currently sound like a tranny, what with my consistently deepening voice. Then she announced the grand prize. An all expenses paid trip to Cabo. F'n F'yeah. I entered. It's an 8 week dealio, but I wasn't paying attention, so that's about all I heard. I submitted my contest song, Belinda Carlisle's Heaven is a place on earth. I was first on the list. Angela told me I needed to engage the crowd, but I just started singing by myself and can only have fun with the crowd while drunk. One shot of liquid courage please. I sang my little heart out. 11 other singers later, she announced the winner. You guessed it, me. Lil ole' me won the karaoke contest!

Needless to say, I was pretty stoked. Watch out for the Mal world tour, coming to a town near you.

The way it goes

Lately I've been in somewhat of a feisty, savage sort of mood. Saturday, as per usual, we were sitting at Casey's. Generally I just sit and make fun of people and their stupidity and/or their stupid outfits. But this time, I was in the mood to fight...sort of. I'm pretty much too old for starting fights, but its not to say I won't finish one. One girl in particular was getting on my nerves. Not because I could hear her acenine stories. Or because she looked at me wrong. But because of what she was wearing. Tied around her head was a headband that looked sort of like a silk tie a hippie threw up all over. This isn't the bad part (at least in my eyes). It was tied around her head old-nerdy-fat-guy-trying-to-look-cool-at-the-gym-circa 1984 style. It looked ugly. And in my drunky stupor I had decided that someone, if not me, had to bring her attention to this horrid fashion DON'T. At one point, on my way back to my table from the bathroom I walked behind her. My hand reached up. I was actually going to pull the atrocity off her head for her. The wife pulled on my hand harder and sped me away. Damnit. So close, yet so far away.

I'm just over everything right now. Is it possible for me to get any more cynical? Why yes. Yes it is. I think a lot has to do with all these dreams *ahem* nightmares I keep having about the little ex-bf. Ugh, why can't exes just die when you're done with them, then they can't have a life after you. And you won't have to think about them ever again. Once again I ask, why is it the ones that you were too good for and were wrong for you are the ones that fuck you up the most?

Oh well, I'm doing new things. I'm in the process of finding a house. Yay to living on your own. Also trying to procure and keep some writing jobs. I'll see how that goes. Trying to get some supplies together to make and peddle my wares at some local shops/boutiques. We'll see where that takes me.

Everyday though is a little closer to the end of my tenure at school. Thank gawd. I'm so over it. Tomorrow we have resumes due. Fuck it. I'm so not in the mood to do it. My instructor PISSED me off today. I am currently in fiery passion hatred mode for her.

When I'm president of hell...and I know I'll get it because well, those of you who know me know also because I'm student body president and that helps...she is SO going to be the minion who wipes my asshole with her hand after I drop a deuce. And I don't mean with toilet paper. With her actual hand. And she can't wash it for eternity. Let's see her be a bitch to me now.

Miss Kitty Fantastico? More like Miss Kitty Bitchtastico. Take a few drinks. A couple of pills. Repeat.

Oh you know...whatever

It's almost that time again. Yes folks, back to school. There's just something about back to school. The promise of fall. Of leaves turning sunset shades of orange and yellow. Leaves crunching under your feet as you make your way to new beginnings. Wait, for a second I thought I lived in a state where there are actual seasons.

Back to school for me always meant new things to learn, new things to experience. New books, new paper, new school supplies. I LOVE school supply shopping. Back to school also meant new clothes. And not hand me downs. Not yard sale clothes. But department store clothes. It was the one time a year where we got to rummage through BRAND NEW clothes. Where we got to try on, and pick out, brand new shoes.

Now, it's all about taking my kids shopping. Though it seems that I am way more excited about it. Especially where the genius is concerned. I have two choices when it comes to him: 1. I can pull the mom card and force him against his will to spend hours in a boring store trying on countless outfits, pairs of shoes and embarrassingly holding pairs of underwear up to his waist to see if they'll fit his ever growing ass. Or 2. I can be the cool mom and just go buy him one outfit, make him try it on, and from that, buy the rest of his back to school wardrobe. I think I'll opt for number one. My life as a teenage mom would have been for naught. I mean, if I have to have kids and somewhat conservatively mold them into good little citizens, I'm going to have fun. Hey, I have to entertain myself somehow.

Random randomness

First order of randomness: I don't know why, but I've been thinking about an ex a lot lately. Not THEE ex (read: my baby's daddy), but the mistake ex. Why is it that the ones you know you're better off without are the ones that fuck you up the most? I know, KNEW, deep down that I deserve better, and he deserved his kind, but still, as I'm driving down the road singing along to Patsy Cline, I find myself getting a little sad. Maybe that's my problem. I've been listening to too much Patsy. That's it, I'm changing cd's. Maybe that will take care of that problem. I sure hope so. Because these feelings of inadequacy for being dumped by a w.t. rep isn't good for my soul. Patsy, you're out, Pixies, you're back in.

School, school, school. I am consumed. And right now, I'm behind. In my book work that is. So what am I doing about it? Blahging. Currently we're learning about anatomy and physiology. Last I checked, I was in beauty school, not med school. Skeletal system projects. 27 pages of detailed notes. Extremely hard tests. Smack my bottom and call me Dr. Kitty Fantastico. No more miss.

On more school news, I know I've said it before, but being the student body president is hard...and a little stressful. Everyone comes to me with their "suggestions" (even though there is a suggestion box) about this or that, and frankly, contrary to popular belief, I'm a softy. It's VERY hard for me to say no to someone. I just want to make everyone happy. Trust me, that school of thought has gotten me into more trouble than it's sometimes worth. ATTENTION STUDENTS: Mal is a pushover. Don't get me wrong, if the situation calls for it, I can gather my balls up off the floor and take control, but in general, I aim to please. Just ask my retainers. Though honestly, I probably wouldn't trade it for anything.

In other news, I have reached new heights in my hair coloring abilities. I'm really pleased with myself and will, on the reception of my financial aid leftovers, be buying myself a fancy new camera so that I may take before and after pictures of my clients for my portfolio. I'm fortunate enough to get the type of clients who pretty much let me do what I want with their hair, so I need to take advantage of the experience. Sometimes they'll have certain colors in mind, but as far as the end result, no exact clarity. So that's where I come in. For me, it's like painting. I love cutting too, but color's where it's at. At least that's how I've built my clientele. I even have stolen clients from the school. Clients that have been going to that school for years, are willing to follow me to whichever salon I choose. Big pat on the back for me.

That seems to be it...for now. And by for now, I mean, that I can remember. I now leave you with these words of wisdom: live and let live...at least where I'm concerned.

Some people just shouldn't breed

This is seriously some fucked up shit. I don't even have anything sardonic or amusing to say to this. But I will say this, some people just shouldn't have babies. I think a dumbass sterilization bill should be developed. F'n idiots.

The thing of it is

Boy has this been a week. I've been non-stop crazy. May I still request my padded room with a view?

Not only have I been non-stop crazy, I've had a massive headache (read: brain tumor) and half insomnia. And by half insomnia, I mean that I get good sleep...the times that I actually DO fall asleep. Maybe that's why I have the massive headaches (read: brain tumor). Speaking of tumors, I have to have a conoscopy in two weeks. Basically to see if I have cervical tumors. Fun for me. I'm not really stressing about it too much, but it is something that has been on my mind. I just don't really want to do the procedure. I hate doctors, hospitals, dentists. Ick. We'll see what happens. The doctor said that it may not be anything, but we have to make sure. I guess that's what the giant camera that's going to get shoved up my vajayjay is for. Talk about a good time.

Besides all that, I like my job. It's fun and everyone is nice. Although it is hard work and my legs are STILL a little sore from work on Monday, but I'll get used to it. School has been even more busy for me, too. This Friday I'm double booked all day long. And they're all requests, so I won't refuse them. I guess everyone just wants a little Mal magic. But who doesn't, really.

I figured out today that I only have seventy days left of school. Can't. Even. Wait. Vacationitis isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.

The thing of it is

Boy has this been a week. I've been non-stop crazy. May I still request my padded room with a view?

Not only have I been non-stop crazy, I've had a massive headache (read: brain tumor) and half insomnia. And by half insomnia, I mean that I get good sleep...the times that I actually DO fall asleep. Maybe that's why I have the massive headaches (read: brain tumor). Speaking of tumors, I have to have a conoscopy in two weeks. Basically to see if I have cervical tumors. Fun for me. I'm not really stressing about it too much, but it is something that has been on my mind. I just don't really want to do the procedure. I hate doctors, hospitals, dentists. Ick. We'll see what happens. The doctor said that it may not be anything, but we have to make sure. I guess that's what the giant camera that's going to get shoved up my vajayjay is for. Talk about a good time.

Besides all that, I like my job. It's fun and everyone is nice. Although it is hard work and my legs are STILL a little sore from work on Monday, but I'll get used to it. School has been even more busy for me, too. This Friday I'm double booked all day long. And they're all requests, so I won't refuse them. I guess everyone just wants a little Mal magic. But who doesn't, really.

I figured out today that I only have seventy days left of school. Can't. Even. Wait. Vacationitis isn't the right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.

A funny thing happened to me on the way to adulthood

The genius just turned 10 on Monday. You know you're getting old when you have a ten year old. It's really weirding me out. I know I'm almost 30, but I never in the planning of my life did I imagine myself having a kid who's almost taller than me and who's going to hit puberty soon. Weird.

Me, the woman-child, with a kid in the double digits. I guess there are weirder things. I still remember the day he was born. My water broke at about 5:30 am and we headed to the hospital. The ex was disappointed because he didn't have to rush. He really wanted a movie moment where we speed race through red lights and such to get to the hospital. No such luck.

That day was probably one of the worst and one of the best days of my life. One of the worst because it was the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt...EVER. Ladies, if anyone ever tries to tell you it doesn't hurt, they're lying. It pretty much feels like your vajayjay is on fire and your insides are being ripped apart from within. I screamed bloody murder. And I'd never hated the ex more for putting me in such a horrendous situation. But when it was all over and I got to hold my huge 9 pound 7 ounce baby, it all seemed worth it...for a minute. Then the memories of the pain wash over you again. I still have flashbacks. It's like I was in 'nam.

But now here we are. A weird, giant kid whom most people think is my little brother, ten years later. It's weird to see him growing up. I wonder what he'll be like 10 years from now. I wonder if my parents were as weirded out by me growing up. It's all just weird.

Think I've overused the word 'weird'? Ya, me neither.